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milk, Doritos and my fat ass 12 February 2009 - 14:18 You ever had one of those spectacular falls, the ones where you end up splayed out in a spread-eagle way and for a moment, your mind kinda just shuts off and you can't think of how to move next? You know, the ones that when it happens to someone else (and if you have a good enough sense of humor, even when it happens to you) it's funny as all fuck? Yeah, I had one of those just now. I did laugh, by the way. I mean, what the fuck else is there to do?Shai's really sick with heartworms. Vet said he is to stay confined to a carrier for a month. Shai being so active and all, I feel terrible for him. I was outside a while ago, letting him out for his piss n' shit break, as well as for his daily med's. It always makes him so nauseous, but he's been good about not puking his guts out. Just drools a lot and drinks a lot of water. In the beginning he always wants to spit up, too. And apparently the medicine is giving him the runs too or something, because his stool's all squishy too. Believe me that I don't like staring at my dog when he's doin' his business, but the vet actually told me to check it for blood. Long story short, he shit in his carrier, and I had to clean it. If it were Muņeca, it'd be no big deal. She's a chihuahua, c'mon. But Shai's a german shepherd. Yeah, nasty business. In the end, I stank of dog shit, piss and drool. I went inside and washed off. Then I finally had a chance to sit at the table and enjoy a glass of cool milk con some pan dulce. 14:56 Thing about it is, the chair I sat in? A teacher gave it to Mom. Which means they only gave it to her because it's old and it's either my mother takes it, or it goes in the trash. And my mom never says no to free stuff from teachers, or anyone, for that matter. She thinks it's rude to refuse. It's why she always ends up bringing home crap. And I, sat in the chair. Which it, being old, and I, being fat, didn't get along well. It gave out and there I went over backwards. And that moment right before you fall, where you teeter-totter and kinda flail your arms around? (Those make the best kind of falls for an audience!) I reached out to the table (glass-top, also old, also hand-me-down from someone who I can't remember just now) and grabbed at the plastic tablecover. This tilted the table and its contents towards me, tipped over my glass of milk and kersplat we all went to the floor! For an instant, I even thought the table was gonna fall on top of me, or at least the glass-top part, because it came off the legs for an instant. And for some reason, there were Doritos everywhere. Man, I had just cleaned off, too. All my pants and t-shirt were soaked, and I had Dorito bits stuck to the hair on my arms. I ended up with milk splattered on my face, and I was all sticky. I just kinda sat there in the milk and broken chair for a while until Mom came in a few seconds later to survey the damage. I dunno, I'm still getting a chuckle out of it. |