As to my higher spirits, here is the reason: I SAW THE NEW LINE OF TMNT TOYS ON SALE AT TARGET!!!! Yes, I know they've been on sale for some time already, but this is the first time I acctually SAW them physically. There they were, all four of them - and the Shredder too! - grinning at me (the Shredder has no face, of course) from inside their plastic casing on the store shelves. *Sigh...* I didn't buy any though, although one particular giant Leonardo DID tempt me. But alas, I have no cash as of now, for to have money, one usually needs either a job or rich parents. I have neither. What a bummer. But that's not the point. I don't think anyone cares to know about my financial problems. And the point is that just SEEING them on sale made my day a whole lot better.

And finally giving Kitty a proper burial also helped to ease my tension. If digging a grave isn't stress relieving, I don't know what is! The task makes me a bit melancholy, but it relaxes me at the same time. Perhaps it's because I am never truly happy unless I'm miserable. Doesn't make much sense to you happy go-lucky people out there, does it? But it's like that song by Santana that goes: "Misery never makes me cry, but happiness does..." That's kinda the way it is for me. I am at peace when I'm depressed. Some of my best stories and poetry surge when I'm going through some awful shit.

Like right after Marco's accident. I don't think I would have ever gotten to know him so well and become so attatched to him if he were still alive. Although, I really wish things didn't have to happen this way. I feel bad sometimes for thinking this way, but then I get frusterated 'cause feeling bad only makes me feel good... Dammit! I exasperate myself sometimes... Maybe it's because I'm a Capricorn. You know how people say Capricorns are supposed to be pessimist bastards. I think I really fit that profile!

Very few things make me happy in life. And I mean TRULY happy, happy just for the sake of being happy - not this opposing feelings bullshit I usually go through. Those things are: my family (mom and big sis, and all our animals), animals, my imagination, and GOD. Above all it's GOD, 'cause He gave me all these other things that make me happy. And NO, I'm not trying to convert anyone into any religion. What you all choose to believe is you all's business. Oh, and the TMNT. The TMNT make me very happy too. They help me get away from my grouchy, saturnine self. Hence the cause of my joy today.

Well, I guess there really is sunshine after the rain. I mean, what else could come, right? And I'm sure Kitty is in a better place than this drudgy world.