"I like pop, I like soul, I like rock, but I never liked disco." - AM Radio

Hmm... I like that song. I'm not even sure that's what it's called. I don't know who sings it. I don't really care. As long as I get to jam out to it, I'm fine. A pack of tarot cards is stashed in my backpack at my side. I started to read them yesterday, but was rudly interrupted. I guess I just never choose the right time to do these things.

My stomach is a churning warm machine, the gastric acids whirling around... around and around like a whir-pool in my gut.

I feel good. ("You know that I would now!") I don't know why, but I do. Perhaps it's lack of sleep. *deep sigh* Ah... sleep... I love to sleep. I didn't sleep at all last night. I tell my mom it was because I was too wired up from Dud's e-mail, but I know that isn't true. I just couldn't sleep. Time passed by last night without really passing. Time does not exist within the confinement of my closet. The darkness there engulfs everything... It was about 1:00 in the morning when I stepped into the luke-warm shadow of my closet realm. I let the night within engulf me. I lay down on my old, squeaky bed and let myself be lulled into oblivion...

Then my bladder killed the whole frickin' mood. I had to take a piss. So I got up and opened the wooden door to the outside world with a hesitating hand. 4:35 AM. Oh, whadda crock. Stumble blindly down the cold hallway, as stealthy as possible. Not stealthy enough. Phoenix notices me as I pass his cage. He gives a stern warning coo as I groggily move by. His cooing grows louder as I step on a crumpled plastic bag in the middle of my path. By the time I reach the bathroom, he errupts into full blown wing-flapping chaos. Damn bird. Gotta love him.

I walk into the bathroom and turn on the light. Wish I didn't have that bad habit. The sudden flash of light blinds me worse than sleep and shadows, and I slam into the wall with eyes clamped shut, groping along until I regain my focus. In my haste to shut out Phoenix's indignant coos and flapping wings of gray, I bang the door to the bathroom shut, making more noise and pissing the pidgeon off even more. I even forget why I came to this bright place of tile and mirror. Then my bladder reminds me and I get on with business.

The toilet howls like a thousand curses when I flush it, shattering the fragile peace I had settled into. That's it. I can't take it anymore. Gone is my blind stupor, my dreamy smile. I am awake.

It is now about 10 minutes 'til five. Frowning, I march back past a still angry Phoenix and into my room. My God, I can't believe mom hasn't woken up after such havoc has torn through the house. I guess it's because she's not a bird, and her bladder is merciful.

I walk into my closet, flick the black light on. I left the door open before, so now the warmth has escaped into the night. Probably flushed down the toilet, like the rest of my night. I stoop over and grab paper and pen. I go out again, turning out the light and closing the door more than a little too late. Past Phoenix again, who observes me wearily with eyes of orange. I ignore the bird and go into my sister's room. I shut the door and turn on the light. Another blinding flash, but this time I'm ready. My eyes adjust quickly and I look around. It's almost exactly the same as it was when she left: walls of a soft sky blue, with teddy bears and dried flowers all around. It smells clean. The low double bed is in a different position and Beacon and Marvie are no longer residents. Marvie's in the dining room, enjoying a much larger aquarium. Beacon, the suicidal beta, is dead.

I settle on the bed, which still holds my sister's cuddly smell of make-up, hand cream, Secret and Gain. The pillows smell like her Pantene Pro-V. I look at the design of blue roses on the white blanket and think of Kelly. He seemed to dissapear into that blanket. Now he has dissapeared... for good. My sister loved Kelly very much, and he loved her.

Still, I was calm and not sad as I sat there. I knew Dud was alright, or at least healthy. And Kelly... well, I knew where Kelly was. I curled up there with a blank state of mind and began to write. Sometime before seven I turned off the light and let the dawn be my light bulb. Soon it was nine, then ten... I was tired, but not sleepy. I got up and headed back to my closet though. My sister's room is pretty like her, but I can't be around pretty things for too long. I crave the sin of darkness and the decadence of my closet's storm gray walls. I am, after all, a hermit.