I woke up this morning to discover my head was missing. Someone took it and I don't know who it was. I couldn't see anything without my head, and my mom got after me for spilling blood all over the place. I tried to tell her it wasn't my fault - I mean, I didn't want my head to be gone - but as I had no head, I had no mouth and couldn't speak. Couldn't eat either, and I was hungry. Mom kicked me outta the house so I wouldn't bleed all over the floor (she had to guide me out). I had to wait outside while she rummaged the house for my missing head. It would have been a pleasent experience, sitting outside in the glory of nature... but as I had no head, I couldn't smell the flowers, or hear the birds or do jack SHIT! Then, to top things off, my cat, Jiquiro, comes over to me, obviously attracted by the steadily gushing blood flowing from my severed neck and begins to snif my bloody t-shirt. He likes the smell. He moves up to my neck. I can feel his whiskers as he begins to lap up my blood. Then he bites me! I try to scream in pain, but of couse, I can't. I slap him away, but that only pisses him off! He leaps to bite and scratch, and since I can't see, it's difficult to swat him off. Finally mom comes over and throws hot water on the naughty cat. Unfortunately for me, I get scalded too. But Jiquiro leaves, and that's what matters. Mom didn't find my head though. At least, that's what I deduced, 'cause I couldn't see or hear what she was trying to tell me. She put an old soccer ball on me instead. It stopped the bleeding, but I still couldn't see or hear, smell or talk. Mom drew eyes on the ball, a nose, mouth and ears too. Problem solved, but we're still searching for my lost head. I kinda like this one though; I think I'm a lot better-looking now. But I kinda keep wanting people to kick me. Hmmm...