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mourning [the] doves

2004-03-18 - 18:12

"I'm wanna run away, never say good-bye..." - [Linkin Park]

My room is starting to stink up like dead bird. Phoenix died a few days back, on the same day as Pablo, actually. I had had her since Micheal Peter. That makes it - what? - three, four years? And now she's left me all alone. Great. Just what I needed. And also, the week before Dud came home from Spring Break, Po died. So I have two rotting pidgeon carcasses in my room, just there decomposing on the small table. Mom doesn't even know. She'd get a piss attack if she finds out I haven't buried Po. It's been over two weeks. I'm surprised there aren't any maggots crawling around on that prayer rug Dud got me from Kuwait.

I wish I could bury myself instead of them. I guess that's why I haven't done it, I'm jelous as fuck of those two. Why should they get the good hard earth filled with creepy crawly things - why should they get to rest in the good earth when I'm still stuck walkin' on the surface? I wish they could coo again, and come and cuddle in my hands, and sit on my shoulders and head, and shit on my clothes and in my hair, and peck my ear and fingers affectionately and dammit I can't believe I wanna cry now after so long of not bein' able to and I'm gonna stop now and go before I make an ass of myself here in front of everyone in the library. Goodnight.

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