Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

brazos al viento

06 March 2014 - 16:24

So... I finally finished my school application process for the summer semester! It's official, I'm going back to school!

I'm both nervous and excited at the prospect. I mean, I don't know if I'll qualify for FAFSA, and if I'm able to get a Federal Loan, I don't know if I'll be able to pay it back, even with the 6.8% rate. Not to mention, I'm not even going back for the degree I was originally studying for, which was a Literature Major with a Minor in Art. This time, I'm applying for a Major in Culinary Arts with a Secondary Degree in Commercial Baking. Which sounds weird to me, even now. I swear this is not the direction I thought I'd be taking my education in. But I'm older now, and hopefully wiser. Well, I'm definately more pragmatic now, that's for sure. I know a degree in Literature wasn't going to get me anywhere, even if that is where my passion lies. Part of me is deeply saddened at the thought of letting that all go. (What a delicious coincidence that Apocalyptica's Farwell just started playing in my classical music playlist.) I mean, I was already a Junior in college when I was going for that degree, way back in '06, before I had to drop out. Cooking and baking has nothing to do with reading. At least there's still some ties with my Art Minor in there somewhere. In the sense that I'll still be doing something creative, sort of.

Dear lord, I wanna cry. Apocalyptica makes such moving music. I'm halfway between proud of myself and disappointed. But pull yourself together, bitch, we're at the public library, people are staring.

I wouldn't have ever dared to even try to go back to school without Nacho. I owe him so much, just on this alone. He may drive me up the wall now and again, but he is a true friend. Done way more for me than I ever have for him. 'Ama says I shouldn't dwell on that anymore, and only look to how I can be a better friend from here on out. Great. Now Andrea Bocelli's singing En Aranjuez Con Tu Amor. Such a sad, sad song. "Aranjuez, hoy los hojas secas sin color que barre el viento, son recuerdos del romance que una vez juntos empezamos tu y yo, y sin razon olvidamos..." It's also a song of goodbyes. It fits me today. In order to step into whatever the future may hold, I need to say farewell to my past dreams.

I don't mean to be so melodramatic. Must be the music.

previous - next