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11 January 2017 - 22:24

Fancy new keyboard here at work. Wireless and all that. So's the mouse. I'm mainly updating this thing so I can have an excuse to use it. Get used to the layout and whatnot, since I'm going to be using it for quite a bit from now on.

Things at work have been going... well, time's been passing. Not the best working conditions, when it comes to Alyssa. I say hi to her every day when I come in, and she replies, but then she shuts down, lost in her own world, I guess, and she doesn't come back to life until Alex gets here. Then it's all loud mannerisms, high-pitched nasal squeals and what I consider "Air Head lingo." OMGZ! and Whatev's! Someone shoot me.

I don't know if she's always talked that way (Alex, too), or if she's speaking this way on purpose, to try and drown out the awkwardness. A little of Column A, a little of Column B, I suppose. [God, this keyboard is so comfortable...! I wish my tiny keypad at home were this comfy.]

I dunno, overall, the whole situation makes me a bit sad, I'll admit. Sad in a jaded, tired sort of way. As though none of this surprises me anymore. Maybe I'm just getting old. But this wouldn't be the first time a blossoming relationship has fallen apart on me. I'm notorious for that. Heck, I think the only people I've truly bonded with over the years and kept the friendship going have been my classmates in Culinary, and only then because they don't really know me. The only exception to this would be Nacho. He knows me the way I am, with my split personalities and various other flaws, just like I know his (most of them, at least), and we're still tight. He's my best friend, and in many ways, I think he's my only true friend. That makes me sad, too, but in a comforting sort of way. Make sense? I'm so afraid of losing that connection I have to him, sometimes. He's my lifeline. I know I'm not his, and that's okay. I'm content just to be in his company, even from a distance. He's family. I love him, and his wife, and his kids. He is my brother.

But again, I'm so jaded by life and people in general, that I don't trust myself not to fuck things up with even him, in the end. My sister says the only reason I've remained friends with Juan for so long is because I feel guilty that I failed him, years ago, when he needed me most. She may have a point, there. Still, I think with Nacho, it goes beyond that. I told her that Juan humanizes me, forces me to look past my pride and face my own flaws. Yet he never judges me or my actions. (He lets me do that on my own, ha.) I don't ever judge him either, even on the things we don't agree with. I'll point out what I think he's wrong on, and leave it at that. I don't nag him; I don't need to.

Anyhow, this soliloquy has gone off-tangent a bit. I think I had better go, also, before a supervisor walks over here.

Today is my birthday. I need to get a life.

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