I toss and turn in bed, and scenarios of UPS and my coworkers swim around in my brain. 'Ama was right. Having Mar�a work with me was a bad idea. Although not for the reasons she thought. It's just that... I feel this overpowering need to protect her at all times and costs, and I feel that the best way to do that, at least for the time being, is to have people not know that she knows me. And it kills me, ripps me apart inside, because I hate lying. There is nothing I detest more than dishonesty, but I've spoken it over with 'Ama, with Mar�a and Dud, and we've all come to the same conclusion: if people who don't like me at work, like Denise and Aaron, find out that Mar�a and I are close, or even that we know each other outside work, they will do everything in their power to make her work life miserable. Because they can't do shit to me, since I have higher seniority from our team, I'm the best FDC clerk Ruben's got, and I know the system better than anyone (even better than my own supervisor, how sad). All that envy, that frustration they feel towards me they will let out on Mar�a because she is on the bottom of the list right now, and she doesn't know the system yet. This all churns inside my brain right now, and it's affecting my tranquility. I can't sleep for shit. And I don't know what's gonna happen when the rest of the team finds out we know each other - because they will find out, eventually.

Mar�a tells me Denise seems to want friendship out of her, which I don't doubt. She wants someone else on her side, since she knows Zamira and Juan are on mine. All she's got is Aaron, and she wants this new girl, "Alex" on her side. She wants to have equal numbers with me, but she won't get shit, because Mar�a not only knows me better than anyone at work, she lives with me, she's family.

I am typing so fast right now it's not even funny. I guess I just need to vent. Or I'll never sleep again!

I feel sick to my stomach. I wish there could be a better way. I told Mar�a already that I am sorry she had to meet the ruins of the great team we used to be in FDC. Because we were a great team, once, long, long ago. I almost can't remember those times past, when Danny and Cat were temp's, and Aaron and I were the best tag-team in the whole fuckin' warehouse. It's funny, y'know. I used to respect that guy. He was my bro'. Now he's just some dumbass motherfucker who's always in my way. I feel he's in my way. And it just makes me so sad, because shit wasn't always this way. Like I mentioned before, I don't wanna blame all this shit on Denise, but I can't fuckin' help it! She just broke apart our whole fuckin' team, pitting us against each other. Because it's ridiculous, really, that I say Zamira and Juan are on "my side" and Aaron and Denise are on the opposing corner. Does anyone realize how fucked up that sounds?!

Mar�a, being the intuitive woman that she is, was keenly observing the situation at work on her first day, Friday, and at the end of the night, I asked her for her honest opinion on the matter. Was I exaggerating? And I told her to be completely honest, because if I was wrong, if I am wrong, I'd really like to know. I dunno, maybe what I needed was a change of attitude.

"No," Mar�a said flatly as we drove home in the dark. "No, it's not you, it was just..." she sighed. "God, it was worse than I'd imagined it to be! It was just so annoying to be around when they were together, and it was uncomfortable. No, no, it's them alright. It's all them."

I nodded thoughtfully. But maybe she just thinks that way, I surmised, because she's my friend. You know what they say about birds of the same feather flocking and shit.

*sigh*