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ragged breath 04 March 2007 - 22:12 'Ama says I'm using them as an excuse, but I swear to God I'm not. At least, I don't feel that I am. In all honesty, I feel trapped. Trapped here inside my own home. I told her I thought that must be what she felt when Mar�a was living here, but she tells me it's not the same, that Mar�a wasn't family. But to me, neither is Alexis. To some of the people living within this body, neither is the Dud. But I try to explain this to her and she just shakes her head in frusteration. She doesn't like to hear me say those things, I know. But it's what I feel inside, and I can't help it. Well, I probably could help it, but not without setting off a chain reaction of highly complicated and nasty feelings and events within my brain. I just... they moved my Cheese, dammit!*sigh* That pertains to some dumbshit story I read last night about some rats in a maze. And I feel that's all I am right now: a fuckin' rat. This whole place seems ta wanna come fallin' down 'round my ears. It's like it's all collapsin' 'round me n' shit, an' I'm gettin' claustrophobic. In my own house, yo! What the fuck be up wit' dat?! My brain tingles. All I want now is a good night's sleep. I'm so glad I've got jury duty tomorrow and therefore won't go to work. It sucks balls that tomorrow we hand in the verdict, though. I doubt I can convince my fellow jurors to debate for eight hours straight and come up with no resolution so we can keep at it on Tuesday. Everyone seems eager to go back to their normal lives except me. And that's because for me, my normal life sucks. I want to kill Alexis. I swear ta God, I wanna kill that muthafucka n' I don't even remember why. *grunt* Like the reason really matters. I don't know where to turn to anymore, and I want them out, out, OUT! Both a'em. Get 'em outta my life forever. My brain keeps fuckin' tingling and shit. Gah, I hate switching. I need to go vent this out on the other diary-thing. |