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condensed conversation

14 July 2012 - 15:57

Hereby follows an actual conversation I had with my 4-year-old niece (to the best of my recollection):

Neni: Tiojo, do monsters brush their teeth?

Me: Monsters aren't real, Chiquis.

N: What?

M: They're not real.

N: Well, do the fake monsters brush their teeth?

M: What? That doesn't even make sense. They can't brush something that's not there. They're not even there themselves to brush their nonexistant teeth because they don't exist to begin with. They're not real.

N: *sigh* No, Tiojo, I'm telling you.

M: Telling me what?

N: Do monsters brush their teeth?

M: I already told you that they're not real. They can't brush their teeth because there are no monsters and no monster teeth.

N: I already know they're not real, Tiojo, but I'm just telling you.

M: But what are you telling me?

N: Do the monsters brush their teeth?

M: That's not - you're not "telling" me anything! You're asking me a question! And I keep giving you an answer but you won't listen! And now we're both getting confused. So let's just... leave it at that, okay?

N: But Tiojo...

M: What?

N: Then... so do monsters brush their teeth?

M: *rolling eyes* ... Yes. I'll go with yes.

N: With a toothbrush?

M: Uhh... no. You know how they've got fur on them?

N: *nods, wide-eyed*

M: Well, they use the hair on the back of their hands like this - *runs hand back and forth over snarling mouth* - and then they don't wash it off. All the crud stays on their hands.

N: Eeew! And the toothpaste too?

M: No, of course not! They don't use toothpaste! They're monsters. They use gross stuff, like, err, trash, and blood.

N: Trash and blood?!

Thankfully, our conversation ended there, 'cause we'd reached our destination and had to get outta the car.

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