Y'know, it's not that I wanna diet. I hate diets. They're not for me. I figured, y'know, that I'd exercise instead. So I got myself a Champ X-Bike for my room. Not 'cause it was fancy or on TV or anything. But because it folds up outta the way, and with all the mess in my room... well, I need something that's outta the way. Or that can be. So yeah, Seventh Avenue, here we come! And 'Ama liked the idea, said she might borrow it herself, have both of us get in better shape ('cause we both need it!). I got it via UPS earlier this week, and squiggled and squirmed for about four or five days before I put it together last night. Oh, this is gonna be so much fun! And of course, once I put it all together, I had to try it. Check out my handy-work, y'know? Five seconds into it, a pedal falls off. No shit.

It wasn't the quality of the product, okay? It was me that hadn't screwed the damn thing on right. So a scant half-hour or so later (yes, it took me that damn long...), viola! Finnito! And then I got into it on earnest. 'Cause I was curious and all. How much could I hack, just fresh off with no warm-up, no nothing after not exercising. Ever. So yeah, I managed ten miles at an average of 20 mph. I wasn't trying to wipe myself out or anything. I mean, I coulda kept going, honest. That didn't keep my knees from knocking up against each other once I got off, o'course, but still. I coulda gone for fifteen miles, I just know it.

And I was sure I was gonna wake up with my legs all cramped up this morning (well, what I consider to be morning), but I didn't. Not even a little tingly. And that was disappointing in itself. 'Cause, aren't you supposed to "feel the burn" or something along those lines? I didn't even sweat as much as I thought I would. Gah, I guess I just wanna lose my jelly-thighs now. Gotta be patient, right?

Well, whatever. I cycled 11 miles today. Figured I shouldn't kill myself yet and just go adding one mile every day until I pass out or my legs fall off, whichever comes first.

What kills me is the calorie count on this machine. It can't be right, can it? 10 miles at 20mph only burns 25 calories? You've gotta be shitting me! Upping it up to 11 miles helped me burn an extra 3 (28 cals, whoo!) today, but maybe it's because I tried to pedal faster. Not that I did, I said I tried. The Dud said I'd get hungier as my metabolism sped up, but my appetite so far seems to be the same. I ate very little breakfast, as usual. Well, first meal, it can't really be considered breakfast when it's ground beef and vegetables, can it? Just 2/3 of a ceral bowl, I'd say, which isn't much, especially when compared to Mom. But then, as is usual, my stomach started knawing at me for a snack a few hours later. I'll usually grab a glass of milk and some cookies, or just go nibble on leftovers from breakfast. I go over to the fridge and check out my options. And

Everything. Has. Too. Many. Calories.

I told you I didn't want to diet. It's not for me. But when it takes you half an hour to burn 25 calories, you're not gonna be too keen on cramming in 90. And that was from a Special K bar.

In the end, I opted for a suger-free lime jello cup. 10 calories. As soon as I gobbled that fucker down, my stomach starts growling as if in protest. Bitch-ass tripas. As though they don't have any better fuckin' thing to do.