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fresh air

22 June 2012 - 16:32

I've got this weird rash on my arm. It's about an inch by two inches, on my forearm close to my elbow. Had it for about a week now. At first I thought it was due to the heat, and it hasn't spread for the most part, but it also hasn't gone away, and when I'm at work and sweat gets on it, it burns. Gah, I need to go to the doctor, get it checked out.

On another topic, I've had the strangest urge these past few days to read this particular story I'd started writing a few years back. Might've mentioned it on this thing before; it was a pretty big deal to me at the time... wanted to get serious and write a book, so I sat down and put a few chapters down. I had a daily quota and a writing schedule and everything. Got up to chapter 5 and then my damn computer broke down, sent all my plans to shit. As of today, I have yet to fix the piece of shit PC. But anyway, I digress. Reading through the accumulated chapters made me nostalgic. It also made me realize I'm not that bad a fantasy writer. Which makes it that much more pathetic that I have no conviction to see my project through. I tell myself I need a new laptop so I can get things crankin' again, but truth be told, I have yet to carry out anything through (that really mattered) in my adult life. Not even college. It's so much easier and convenient to just give up halfway, half-assed. Seriously, I disgust myself at times (a lot of times). But I'm not here to berate myself. Just shrug it off and keep moving. So I'm a lazy procrastinating sloth-ball. Meh, deal with it, bitches. Right now I'm just kinda torn as to what to do next. I really wanna finish this story, if anything so I can know where the fuck the main character (Alenok) ends up. This is a guy I've stuck with for over a decade now; he deserves a finished tale, publication be damned. This story's for me. Just like Xenith is for the kids. Which, by the way, is probably the only project I haven't completely given up on, though I am falling behind on that, too. And I plan to stick with Xen all the way, even if I do take up writing Al's story again. Xen is, I dunno, my teacher. I know it sounds dumb, but creating his world in comic book form has really helped me this past year. I can let go of the little things easier, and just keep pushing on, errors and all. He helps me get things on paper, frees me of my insecurities so I can sit back and create, which is actually really hard for me to do.

Ah, me. Lookit the time. It's been a while since I rambled on in an entry like this. Methinks I'm gonna like this new phone.

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