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down the drain we go...!

22 November 2023 - 13:05

I have a tendency to skim over my previous post on this thing before diving into writing a new one, and I began to this time as well, only to realize that I was about to bitch about the exact same thing as before.


So, Thanksgiving's this week. And as always, family drama ensues right before. Yesterday, 'Ama and the Dud got into it again, over the same ol' crap: Upper Case's family. The in-laws. Great.

I cannot stress enough how few shits I give about those people and the situation in general. But Mom cares. She gets all butt-hurt about things. Then she rants to get stuff off her chest, then explodes at my sister anyway. So, now the old woman feels better, because she said her piece, right? Okay, but now my sister's the one who's butt-hurt. And I got fed up with the entire situation and just canceled Thanksgiving at her place. Because fuck this crap, I don't gotta deal with this. I have my own problems, my own stressors in life, and I'm not about to add more shit onto my plate. And last night, I told Mom my ultimatum regarding this, and today she's fuckin' moping because we're not going to see the grandkids. Piss. Off. If she wants to go, I told her that's fine, but to call my sister and they can make up or whatever, and then she can come pick up 'Ama and take her because I AM NOT GOING. Did a part of me do this to try and force the two stubborn bitches to get their heads out of their asses and work shit out? Maybe, but it's something I knew would never happen. My mom is so proud, that she would rather be depressed and weep all day, lonely and forlorn, than admit she was wrong. My sister? Not that much better. That coward would rather pretend nothing happened and move on with her life, even though it's all building up inside her and making her miserable, too. Fuckin' hypocrite.

I can't stand this situation anymore! I want out, just fuckin' out. But I know that I can only shut down half of the fuckin' equation. Because although I won't have to deal with the Dud and her family for the holidays, I'm still stuck with an elderly mother who is about to get surgery in a few days and thus I need to keep stable, tranquil. Hence, me jumping through fuckin' hoops on fire and putting on a whole damn show just to distract her fuckin' ass.

Yes, we're blending right now. Yes, the voices in my head are acting up. This spew of a mess is from various perspectives right now, with a lot of Ninja, which is why I'm so cussy.

Fuck, we're supposed to be writing that fuckin' chapter right now! Not this crap! I'm so done, done, done, done, done. As in, stick a bullet in my head, done.

I am so glad we do not own a gun.

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