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treading water, pt. 2

13 February 2020 - 22:08

Yeah, so my diabetes is doing really bad. Or, is it doing great? I mean, is it bad for the diabetes itself if my A1C is high? Wouldn't that be great for it, since that means it's kicking my ass? Well, anyhow, yes, my A1C is off the charts. Dr. B thinks I may be hitting the 500's on some days. The fact that I've been forgetting to take my meds on some days ain't helping. All the stress isn't either. Definitely not the fast food.

I'm cautiously optimistic about the entire thing, however. I mean, I knew my numbers would be terrible. They would've been worse still just a few weeks back, I'm sure. Before I started going back to the gym. Before I remembered to switch over to diet drinks and only sugar-free stuff.

I swear, it's been hell these past couple of months. One of the only good things December brought me was Mowgli, my little fluff-bucket. My Ball of Infinite Puff. But he caused a lot of my stress these past two months, too, what with his brushes with death (in my eyes) and his (nearly) Infinite Veterinarian Bills. I made the very conscious choice earlier this month that Mowgli is my son. More so than any of my other furred and feathered babies. No other being have I raised basically since birth. We estimate that he was two days old when my sister's family found him. He's so big now! Almost three pounds! But between him getting suddenly sick, and Beasters too, to boot, I had to postpone my own dental treatment for a month, and as I type this, I have exactly $0.00 (zero dollars and zero cents) in my checking account. Bills are crushing me. Mom offered to help, but I declined. I can't have her supplement my income. I reminded her that she needs to save up for when she retires in June. I won't be able to shoulder the mortgage. Part of me rues the day I finally mustered up the courage to get past my phobia of the dentist and start my treatment. It's so expensive...! I'm down to a little over three hundred dollars in my savings account. I'm officially going to be living paycheck to paycheck from now on, and I simply can't afford to live this way. My family depends on me. My home is falling apart around me, my cars are either about to break down, in the process of breaking down, or already broken down, and I'm floundering. [That's not withstanding all the drama shit that's gone down with my sister and her kids... I really don't want to get into details right now, or ever, but suffice to say we've drifted apart. I can't trust her, and that's painful to me because she's the only sibling I have. Y'know, outside of my own head. My nephew worries me, too, and he's part of the rift that's growing between us.] It's no wonder my sugar's gone way up. I'm rushing around half the time, trying to remember what it is all I have to do before going in to work, or leaving work, or going to pick up 'Ama from her job. So yeah, some days I don't take my pills. And my health is suffering for it, which only stresses me out more. Because I need to be healthy if I'm to head this small weird family. My main man is still Senator Bernard Sanders, but I'm starting to wish he'd adopt Andrew Yang's Universal Basic Income concept more and more. I sure could use those thousand bucks now.

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