One of 'Ama's coworkers was absent the other day and a young man my age substituted for her. His name is Daniel, like my cousin. I think 'Ama bonded a lot with the kid because he told her his mother was multiple. Like me. And he's suffered for it, because she is not a stable multiple system. He told her how there were times she tried to kill him. Apart from being multiple, she is also a schizophrenic. And while 'Ama was telling me all this, all I could do was wonder if that meant if all the members of this woman's system were schizophrenic or just one or some of them. And how this affected the whole group of people living inside her.

I've never met another multiple before. Sometimes I'm not sure I'd want to. Because most multiple systems I've heard of from other people are pretty unstable, and that makes me uneasy. How would they reacct around us? Would they even be approachable? But I digress.

I think it is a combination of these two things, this woman and this young shooter, that have me this way and awake at this hour. On articles I've read online about Cho, most people agree that he was disturbed and unstable. That his mind couldn't cope with the overload of crap that happened in his life and that he therefor started to blame all his troubles on society. The way these victims were talking about this guy... well, he couldn't help but remind me of one of my people. Especially the part where he was brandishing weapons and spewing out incoherent furious obscenities at the world. I'll bet there were times where he actually visualized himself killing those people months before he ever actually did anything. And the reason I'm willing to bet on that is because I've visualized killing people too. When they piss me off, I just can't help it. And it's not always. But it's that one violent motherfucker that lives in my brain along with the rest of them that fantazises about this shit. There's a reason I collect weapons of all sorts, y'know. There are times I can even feel the hot blood dripping off my fingers and splattered all over my face. It horrifies me at the same time that it mesmerizes me completely. And a part of my has fun visualizing this; really just enjoys himself immensly at the thought of slowly torturing someone to death. And when I get angry to the breaking point it is he that feels the ire course through his veins, and he embraces it. He's my Saint Anger 'round my neck n' shit. He's the one that punched a hole in the wall of the laundry room when Hemingway died. And listening to Cho on that video he sent to NBC... it just reminded me so much of him... I mean, even their names sorta match. Cho and Ninja. *shudder*

The only difference between me and poor Cho is that he's dead and I'm not. That I'm a group of people instead of just one, and whenever Ninja startes to creep up on me and nearly loses control one of us is always there to step up and take control.