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Gah, I torture myself. Most of it is junk, believe me. Why I keep that damn email account open is beyond me. Just because [email protected] sounds cool to me, I suppose. That, and I've had that email since highschool. I'm willing to bet I have messages in there from highschool. I never check that email anymore. I only log in out of curiosity, once in a while. Then I try to plow through the emails, bring the number down a little, and I become overwhelmed and quit. Then try again after two months. I torture myself, I tell you.

I had a nice hour-long conversation with Hal and a few of the other peeps at HN this past Tuesday. We all pretty much agreed 2008's been a rough year. But I rejoice in that. This was the year that almost brought me down, even after I'd made a pact with myself to never be brought down again after I survived Marco's death. (Why do I always end up coming back to that kid? God, I miss him. He's got a Christmas tree on his grave. Pifas got a wreath.) But'cha know what? It didn't bring me down; I lived through it fine, and I'm a better person for that. 2008 is the year I wished my father would just die already, and then he did. It's the first year I've ever really had to live without Angel. It's the year that went by without me fixing Cyke, or even touching the damn car. Of course it was the year the economy fucked us all over. Or, better said, the year we fucked over the economy. But I digress. It was a shitty year. Yet we rose far beyond that...! I became a far more caring person, a friendlier human being, more at peace with myself. My economic woes don't frighten me, don't phase me. I am happy with my life, for what I've lived. It'll be my birthday very soon. I'll be a quarter of a century old. I'm still not sure what color to go with on my hair for then. Probably blue again.

My sister arrives back here tomorrow noon with Angel. Alexis is staying behind for a while longer with Anel�.

I feel a certain numbness within, like I've forgotten what to write. As though what I was going to write doesn't matter anymore. And maybe it doesn't. So many things have happened in just this day alone! A black kitten died on me. I couldn't save her. I had lunch with my mother, and aunt and uncle from Houston who dropped by for a surprise visit before heading on to Mexico to spend the New Year with the family there. I hadn't gone to Golden Corral in ages.

I suppose I feel numb because of lack of sleep. Only slept approxomately two hours today. Not the right way to go when trying to stay up for the midnight ball-dropping gig. Now my city has one. Talk about NY rip-off. The Dud called from Jersey earlier and said it was snowing. Hopefully she and Mono won't get snowed in at the airport tomorrow. But if they do, I wonder if she'll get to see the real NY ball drop, while I watch the imitation. That would so smackin' rule. Crazy shit.