Goes to show you how much difference a couple of years in age will make in a person's way of thinking. Because when I told Juan, he started to laugh too. And then I realized how silly it all was, and how childish the entire situation must seem to them both, what with them in their late twenties/early thirties and Mar�a and I a decade younger, almost.

***PAUSE FOR CRAP BREAK***

02:55

It all seems almost trivial now, but it was so hard for me to choke out the words to Nacho just a few hours back. I'm so glad Dud was there with me. She put in her two cents, of course, and I hope they helped. She knows Mar�a more than I do, after all, and she knows when I'm being too much of an ass.

Nacho proved to be a good listener, and I feel a great relief now, despite the fact I'm still a bit wary with Mar�a. I feel I cheated her somehow by approaching Juan, even though I felt she cheated me first, and was also just following the advice everyone and their mother told me to do. 'Ama told me last night that I should've gone up to Juan and talked to him about this a long time ago. Dud told me I did what I had to do, that I had already tried to salvage my relationship with Mar�a and that it was up to her whether she gave a damn or not. She said I've done all I can to be a good friend, so I shouldn't feel bad. Nacho said nothing; poor guy was just dumbfounded, I guess. But not at all clueless to the situation. He told me he had already been suspecting something. And... *sigh* Well, talking to him made me feel a shitload lots better. Like I'm not alone carrying this burden inside me anymore: he's helping me carry it now. And even though the last thing I wanted was to put more shit on his already loaded plate, it feels good to be able to breathe easier like this, and all thanks to him, and the wisdom of my mother and sister. If shit hits the fan now, I think I'll be able to handle it. Because now, I am reassured of his friendship. Mar�a might lie to me, but Juan never will... at least, not yet. Never say never, y'know. But with him, I feel almost as confident to say "never" about almost as much as I am of my mother. I know now his friendship is true, he cares, he's a good guy.