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panic & doubt

06 January 2010 - 17:23

Gah! I'm freaking out a little bit. The Dud is proof-reading the first four chapters. Her immediate opinion was that it was good so far, and to not kill the story OR ELSE. She freaks me out. She's practically seen my story evolve into what it is today. Since way back when I used to write those first silly stories back in junior high. She's always been my critic, and probably knows my characters better than anyone outside of my head. She knows 'em, okay? All of them except for whatever secondary characters I've created in the past two years.

Okay, well I guess that means she knows the early stuff. Back when it was crap I knew would never stand a chace to get published. As the years have gone by and I've honed my storytelling skills, yeah, she missed all that. But my characters, my characters I grew outta my own fuckin' brain... they're still the same. She at least knows them. So you get why I'm flipping when she tells me I should cut five of the seven main characters completely out of my book-to-be. She says they no longer fit into the tale I'm weaving... and I haven't even fuckin' introduced them yet! GAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE WANTS TO KILL MY GIRLS!!!!! (And the dog.)

Thing is, a part of me always moves to agree with whatever critcism she throws my way. And not all her criticism is bad; in fact, my story wouldn't be what it is today had it not been for years of input she's given me over time. If this thing ever gets off the ground, I'm still dedicating the damn thing to her.

But this is a blow I don't think I can take. I mean, I still don't know how I'm exactly going to pull it off, but I don't want to abandon these characters I've known so long. They're like childhood friends. But I yet have a lot of chapters to write before I get to that crossroads. I guess I'll just wait to see where the road has lead when I get there. Whatever happens, I hope there's a path for my girls (and the damn mutt) to follow.

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