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all pumped up for the par-tay 20 July 2005 - 02:15 I have a date with some chic named Emily and she's taking for fuckin' ever to get here. I've never met her (so it's kinda like a blind date) and to be honest, I've never met anyone like her. She's special. So very wet, and breath so strong it'll knock you off your feet. That's what I've been told about her anyway. Again, we've never met. I know this will be a meeting I'll never forget. The last time I met a person like her was when I was four. His name was Gilbert. Psycho motherfucker ripped the place apart. I guess he was mad or something. Anyway, Emily's from the beach. She loves the ocean. Guess that's why it's taking her so long to get here. She was last spotted wallowing off the coast of Mexico a few hours back, and she didn't seem to wanna move.Anyhow, enough of this crap. Emily is, of course, the damn hurricane that's threatening deep south Texas and some parts of northeastern Mexico. (Crap! I just gave away my position!) 'Ama and I have had a jolly good time fixing the house in preparation for this storm. All the animals are now inside the house. Yes. ALL of them. Sixteen in all, not counting the cockroaches in the kitchen. I have a headache. The four pidgeons, Hyde, Squash, Hudini and Bo, are snug in their cages in the dining room. (That's four! Four birds! Mua-ha-ha-ha!) Patrick and Hemingway, my cats (Ghost, if you're reading this, though I can't see why you would... Pat says "Meow.") are stuck in the hallway bathroom for the night. Knightmare's in the Blue Room, which used to be Dud's room, of course. Midnight's in the hallway. I had originally put him in the Blue Room with his brother, but Knight's got issues, and tried to chew Midnight's throat off! I had to intervene. Mu�eca the highly hyper and annoying chihuahua (pregnant chihuahua, might I add) got bumped over to Mom's room, since obviously, Mid's in her hall. The Baby, Rocky and Squishy are providing highly unentertaining and very smelly company to the cats in the bathroom. Mom's tiny guppy is in the living room, as usual, and my betas, Cyanide, Draco and Jihan are here on my computer desk. We're all here and dressed up for the big party, but that fat bitch of Emily's taking her sweet ass time. I want her to get here already so she can flood the place up and shit. I can't wait 'til it all blows over (literally) so the water level can subside, the ground can dry up, I can send out one of the pidgeons, grab a leaf and park Noah's ark. Then I can let the dogs out ("Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Who? Who-who?"), kick out the damn cats, release the birds--AND GET SOME FUCKIN' SLEEP ALREADY! Gawd! It's already 3AM and these animals are driving me up the wall! DAMN YOU, BB!!!! ENDNOTE: Oh, and did I mention I work tomorrow? Because I work tomorrow, most likely. That's right, folks, we at UPS always put our customer's shipping needs first. Even if it means the packages get wet and damaged from the storm and the trucks get blown off the expressway onto the pavement 36 feet below. Expect me to die tomorrow, or at least be hospitalized. |