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trav'lin' bone

06 February 2009 - 01:29

Is there such a thing as being too positive. I think so.

Earlier today, or maybe yesterday, my sister and I were discussing the global situation and political matters... y'know, the usual shit. We were discussing the Zeitgeist: Addendum movie and she made a comment along the lines of her being more cynical than I am. And for some reason, that really struck a nerve with me. I instantly got defensive, stating that I was too a total cynic! Phst! I'm the most pessimistic ass on the face of the planet, right? So she pointed out HugNation... and I couldn't argue with her. I'm all butterflies and bunny-farts now. My money's going down the drain? So what? I have a deeper spiritual understanding of the universe and know that in the long run, money won't matter anyway. Neither will cussing, or anger, or popularity, or academic success or religious leanings or romantic and sexual prowess. I am way beyond that trivial shit now. Oh, and I love everybody.

Hrm. Then why does it feel so fake, and why was I so eager to prove that I was still a sour-ass? I think I'm beginning to understand Halcyon a bit better. This past Tuesday, he was talking about how he just couldn't stay sunny all the damn time. How he had financial worries, and he's had several blows to the ego and he feels like a hypocrite sometimes and that he's not fit to run HugNation. We all automatically cheer him up, and then everyone learns something in the process and we all give ourselves a virtual hug and move on. Better people. So it seems.

I've come to realize I can't stay optimistic all the time. It's not healthy. No, seriously. Sometimes you have to feel down. Sometimes it's good to cry, good to worry and stay up late at night just breaking your noggin open trying to search for anwers. You can't pretend it all away with smiles and love. Because you can only have light if you also have shadow. And you can't know how good love and a peaceful life can be until you've been deprived of them. I have a right to hate, to curse, to complain, to misjudge and be wary. As long as I don't lose sight of the light... I'll be good. I can find my way back to the love in my life.

Now this reminds me of a song by CCR. I think I'll end on that:

"Put a candle by the window 'cause I feel I've got to move. Though I'm going, going, I'll be coming home soon, 'long as I can see the light." -- Long As I Can See The Light, Creedence Clearwater Revival

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