I just got off the phone with my sister. She was here a few days back, her and her kids and her husband. They only stopped by here for a day and a half, to drop off their car and the cats, and then flew from here up to Jersey to spend Christmas and New Year's with his folks. They've just been there about a day and already she's calling me, crying. I sear, this shit's gonna drive me up the wall, and then I won't need no Virgin Snow decoloration cream to dye my hair white. It'll be that way permanent.

It's not that I don't love my sister, but her and her child of a husband give me a headache. He's younger than me, alright, and let's just say he acts that way. Wouldn't be such a big deal if she weren't my older sister. Those two just aren't compatible. I feel so bad for her, though, really, I do. I wanna help her, but I know that on this one, she's gonna have to deal with it on her own. I'll always be here to back her up when she needs me, like I told her before we hung up, but I can't solve her problems for her. And I can't make Alexis grow the fuck up. I can't make him stop lying to her, can't make him stop putting his "buddies" before his kids. I can't make it so where she doesn't feel guilty for wanting to leave his ass. All I can do is stay up late at night and listen to her rant and cry. All I can do is feel utterly hopeless, and as though I were a waste of time and space because I can't protect my sis. It's a mess she got herself into in the first place, a mess my mom and I tried to warn her against. Of course we all saw this coming, but it was her choice to marry him.

I ain't gonna lie. There have been times I've wished Alexis would die in the war.

There, I said it. I'm a horrible person, I'm the Bad Guy. But he sucks as a father, and he sucks even more as a husband. He's horrid as his spouse's friend. And she told me that she slapped him tonight -- hard. They were arguing. At four o'clock in the morning. Gawd. At his parent's house, to boot. And they woke up her suegros, and everyone got worried. They both know, my sister and her husband, that her suegra is on anti-depressants to treat her bi-polarism and severe depression. And they have a yelling fit. At four in the morning. In her house. Fucktards. With the kids sleeping in the next room, too.

In a nutshell, my sister said they were arguing because he went out at eleven at night and didn't come back until four-thirty. Right after they'd just argued about him lying, and him promising he'd just go out to the store, he wouldn't be long. So he goes out to a friend's house and doesn't tell my sister. He lied to her, said he wasn't gonna go anywhere. She even asked him. He gets back, they have a nice, loud fight, she slapps him. He gets even more pissed off, they wake up his parents. My sister walks out in the cold to call me. In a nutshell, from what I gathered from her gulping sobbs. Oh, but, I'm not supposed to tell my mother. I promised the Dud I wouldn't. Well, I didn't really promise, but I pretty much told her not to worry, I wouldn't tell mom. If there's no opportunity to do so, of course I won't tell her. But my mother is my best friend. Yeah, I know that's a sappy thing to say, but she is. My mother and I are very similar in our views and morals, and well, durr, right? She raised my ass. But the Dud came out more so like my late father. Adventurous, inquisitive, ambitious, muy amigueros, and always putting friends before family. I swear, I don't know why she says she partly fell in love with Alexis because he's a "lot like" me. He's more like her! He's like Dad, and my sister and my father never got along. Now my sister and her husband never get along. Am I sounding a bit Freudian here?

The problem is that my sister matured when she became a mother. Alexis stayed the same. He still thinks in large part, like a single guy. And my sister may think a lot like my Dad, but 'Ama was still the one that raised us. And she raised us to be highly independant and self-reliant. Therefore I have a highly-independant and self-reliant older sister. I remember her old boyfriend, Art. He was such a push-over! My sister used to mangle the guy all the effin' time. I remember once he was supposed to go to some family outing with his family, and my sister threw a fit because she wanted him to skip it and spend time with her instead. So what did Art do? Well, he considered by-passing the tradition, risking the wrath from the entire family on his mother's side, but in the end decided to just take my sister along. He was all about, "Yes, Rosa, whatever you want, Rosa, I love you, Rosa." I used to have to stick up for him in arguments all the fuckin' time, how sad is that?! The point is, this is the type of attitude she expects from her man. But Alexis is not Art. In fact, I am sure Alexis is very much capable of striking my sister right back, once the slapping starts. He won't put up with her shit, which I believe he shouldn't, but he also should consider her opinion, not just ignore it and do whatever the fuck it is he plans to do anyway. And blatantly, to top shit off.

They're like a bad diaper rash, honestly. They irritate the fuck out of my ass! I hate that I get dragged into these problems, but I am also at a stale-mate with myself. Because I do want my sister to keep approaching me with her problems. I want her to know I am here for her. The thing, I suppose, that pisses me off, is that she always uses me and my mom as a crying shoulder, she vents out all her frustrations with us, then, bam! that's all she needed, she's happy now, and complacent and tolerant of her hubby again. And the cycle starts all over. They "talk shit out" and things go back to being dandy. Meanwhile, my mother and I are the ones left with heartburn.

We start all over again, just like the first day
Based on lies that you are here to stay
No matter how close you hold me, how deep you kiss me,
I'll be broken forever and it will always be the same...

Pinocchio, by The Accolade

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