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eyes so w[e]ary 06 June 2007 - 00:04 When I got home today, I sat in the dining room and cried with my father. Then he went home, and I cried myself to sleep in my closet. I didn't wake up until 'Apa called me at 9:43 to see if 'Ama had gotten home yet. She wasn't. I panicked, but just as I was about to call Pifas back to ask for a ride to 'Ama's work, she got home. We called Pifas to let him know she was home safe, and then 'Ama and I talked, and then cried some more. All I've done today is cry. I miss my nephew more than words or tears can ever say.I miss my sister terribly, and I'm worried about her. I've done my best to trust her judgement in all things, but with this, I can't. I just don't understand how she can possibly think Alexis is good for her and her children. Being the biological father doesn't count for shit these days, and I speak from experience, having grown up without mine. Alexis is an asshole, I hate him and I wish he'd die. I've had various opportunities to make that wish happen, but I always hold back, for Angel, for my sister and her unborn baby. I could kill Alexis, and I very much want to. I'm not ashamed or afraid to say it. But my sister keeps running back to him, and I don't know why. After he's so indifferent to her, after he yells at her son. But she says he's got a right, because he's the father. Bullshit. I've been a better father figure to Angel than that pice-of-shit has ever been. My drunk-ass dying father has been a better father figure for my nephew, for that matter. That's why when Angel sees pictures of Pifas he'll point to his grandfather and say: "'Api. 'Api. 'Api." It's something Alexis can't stand. It's late now, and tomorrow I go back to UPS. Under normal circumstances I would never look forward to be going back to work, but I am now. I need to get my mind off my chiquito feo, need to be strong for him because I know he'll need me to be. And when he does need me, and the Dud needs me, I'll be there. |