I won't say who's at fault here; I take no sides. 'Cause to me, they're both wrong, and they can both kiss my ass. I'm just so fuckin' tired of all this, them hurting each other every chance they get. And it's always around the holidays, dammit! Now I have to chose who to spend Thanksgiving with: my dying father or my sister and her children. I don't even want to consider choosing. I told them both that night, last night, actually, was this really just yesterday? I told them I loved them both immensly and that whatever they decided would not change that love. 'Apa asked Toti to forgive him, but she cried and refused. So he shrugged it off and rolled over in bed. He's been in bed a lot lately. His time is coming sooner than later. It kills me to see my father like this. Kills me to see them fight, to know they're both so fuckin' selfish and that they're so much alike that that's what drives them apart. What's gonna happen when he dies? She says she doesn't know how she's gonna explain it to Angel. Well, how's she gonna explain this? That she kept them from their grandfather in his last moments porque a ella se le pega la pinche gana? How's she gonna explain that to Angel when he throws that in her face years from now? Angel's crazy about my dad, he loves him to death. He's fuckin' two years old, he doesn't know or care about what problems exist between father and daughter. He just knows he loves his grandpa, and he loves his Mami, just like I do.

I told her it's fine, if she wants to end it now, it's just fuckin' fine. It's her choice. But I don't want her ever visiting him again, don't want her asking how he's doing as his illness progresses, and I don't want her at his funeral. Because to her, he's already dead, isn't he? So what's the fuckin' point? And I wasn't lying, I wasn't joking. I don't want her there. I don't ever want to see her bringing flowers to his grave. Bitch doesn't deserve to, and I don't care if the guilt eats her the fuck ALIVE when she lies in her deathbed. Because I know he's an asshole, but he's a dying asshole. And that doesn't mean she's gotta let things slide, but she's gotta sit there and work things out with him and that's something they both refuse to do. Dud's always running away from her problems. Always. She denies it, but it's what she did when she broke up with Art, when she ran away from Alexis for being a dick, for fleeing to El Paso to get away from us. Always running, running, running. It's both of their faults. They're both guilty in my book. And I would do anything, anything to see the old man die already, to have her disappear back into her military life with her husband. I would pay all I have, all I ever will have, to be able to never see them again.

But I'm not like them, I'm not. So I drink down this growing ball of resentment and pain, this ball in my damn throat that threatens to choke me, just gulp it down and...

wait.