"All I know is, I want to hurt him," she said. Now that phrase suits me. Suits this. That is what I wanna say. I want to hurt her, strangle her, throttle the bitch. That's the only reason I wish she were here now, so I could kick the fuck out of her pregnant ass. Mind you, I won't hurt her belly, 'cause it's not Frijolito's fault. But I am really tempted to knock her fuckin' teeth out.

I don't get her sometimes! She is such a melodramatic queen. No wonder 'Ama calls her Reynita since we were small booger-heads. She has always been so self-centered and narrow-minded. Just like Daddy.

And she hates his ass. That's just the thing, they're so much alike, I don't know why they don't get along. Well, actually, I do. They will never get along because they cannot stand someone else that's just like them. So selfish and cowardly, so egotistically centered. It's always "me, me, me" with those two. With 'Apa, it's always: "I feel old, I wanna drink, I don't give a shit, I act young so people will like me, go ahead, like me, please, laugh at my jokes. Pump my ego." With Dud, it's: "I feel unwanted, I feel lonely, I'm far away, I miss my husband, I'm pregnant (pues ni modo que el vecino), I shouldn't have to put up with this all alone, these people piss me off, I hate this cat, he annoys me so much, Dad better not drink and be an ass around me or my kids, it's my family, I just want people to listen to me, go ahead, yell at me, let me feel I pissed you off. I know you're listening."

Well, goddam, people. Get the fuck over it. I feel so drained now. We just had an argument, the two of us, of course. Just now, over the cell phone. What a dipshit. "I don't want him around my kids if he's gonna be drunk or smelling like cigarrettes."

Well, he ain't gonna smell like pansies, I'll tell ya that much. Idiot. She knows this, what the fuck is she complaining about him now for? He has always been this way. And then she gets pissed off because her husband disagreed with her and so did I. So will Mom, when she tells her. If she tells her, which I'm sure she will, sometime tonight. Then they'll argue and Dud will bitch and cry some more, and then Mom will cry, and I will come home dead-beat tired from work at midnight and have to comfort my aging mother. Ugh.

It's always the same. Even from so far away, she still manages to drive people nuts. Already, she chased away my sleep. And I was having such a good nap too.

All I told her was that she makes too big a deal of this, which, in my opinion, she does. I told her not to let 'Apa get to her, but she never listens. "I want to hurt him," she said, "because he hurts me."

How?!

For frickin' crying out loud, she hardly talks to the man! She's in Virginia, we're in Texas! That's three whole fuckin' days ride (if you stop at night, one and a half if you drive straight through)! I told her to shut up and get over it. She said she didn't want him around her kids (which the first of them hasn't even been born yet). I told her not to worry about it, that by the time her kids were old enough to reason, he will most likely be dead. She got mad, started raising her voice about the unjustice of it all and how much she hates her Daddy and how "He should've died a long time ago!" I laughed at her ass and told her that she'll probably cry when he dies. I don't think I got an answer to that comment.

Then I got pissed off because she told me it was easy for me, because of my multiplicity. Can you spell: F-U-C-K O-F-F? Bitch. What the hell does she know about this, first of all? That's when I started yelling, and Lord knows, I don't yell. When I get pissed, I get quiet. Real quiet. But she just makes me explode sometimes. So I yelled. And then I got quiet. I just shut right the fuck up, shut her right out. I don't wanna hear this, she'll probably change her mind tomorrow anyway, because she's like that, like Dad. They never make up their fuckin' mind.

I told her I won't let it happen, if she comes down here to "visit" just to pick a fight with 'Apa. I'll kill her if she makes him sick on me, makes his blood pressure or sugar level rise. "It's not like he cares about me or what I say," she said. "As if he's ever gotten sick because of what I say."

Yes he does, bitch. He has before, Mom and I just never bother to tell her. I mean, what the fuck for? She's too selfish to care. Just like him, just like him.

We hung up on quiet, civil and very lonely terms. I don't wanna talk to her anymore at all today. For the rest of the week, if at all possible. But nah, she's my sis, and I still care about her, even though I just don't get her sometimes. She says she doesn't want me to get her, just wants me to listen. But I can't sit still and listen to her bitch and whine about a future that may never come. I don't want her to grow bitter. "I'm not bitter, I'm hurt!" she says. Well, what's the fuckin' difference?!

She says she wants to be a good mother to her baby, like 'Ama was to us, but she will never be like Mom. Because Mom was selfless, never let her emotions get in the way of us making our own desicions. She never once told us a bad thing about Dad. I've seen his ass drunk many times.

Dud said she was gonna ask him in a "civil" manner to not drink around her kids, but Mom asked him that years ago, when we were kids, and he never listened. So what the Hell makes her think he'll listen to her?

And there, I'm wiped out, pooped. Tired. Sleepy. I don't wanna type anymore, I'm outta fuel. I need to go back to sleep, but I just had to get this shit off my chest.