Leave my closet door open all night, they say. Well, what if you're the one in the closet? Sleeping in it, I mean? God, I'm paranoid. I haven't slept a wink all fuckin' night, because I scared myself shitless. Damn. I didn't even watch any horror movies or anything.

"I'm not like you guys... I'm not like you..."

Nope, I'm not. My sister's afraid I might have slight schizophrenia. On top of my multiplicity? Great. There's something to look forward to.

I've been lying in bed, inside my closet, of course, listening to classical harp music and thinking of aliens. Seriously now. I have days when I get like this. Well, nights. So I get insomniac. Lately I've been falling asleep around four or five in the morning, waking up at noon or so. You know, when it's safe to sleep. *shifty eyes*

I have issues. Major issues. Don't ask.

I get like this sometimes, seriously I do. Fuck. Why do I keep typing 'seriously'? Who the Hell am I trying to convince? Fuck.

I was driving home from work a couple hours ago, when it was still yesterday, around eleven o'clock or so (is that a dog howling outside? Why the fuck is it howling?! *shivers*), and I saw a car coming up behind me. Instantly, I sped up. These fuckers just won't leave me alone, I swear. Seriously. Granted, I know it really wasn't following me, just happened to be going in the same direction as me, but still, it was following me, a'ight?! I'm paranoid like that. (That dog is still howling. It's getting on my nerves. Damn. It probably smells something out there... something creepy.)

Well, I was driving, that guy behind me was driving, and he was speeding too, so I sped up more, and more and more and more, and finally, we get to a damn light. Fucker tries to pass me and almost crashes into a fuckin' Jeep that's coming the other way. There's a reason you're not supposed to pass other vehicles on two-lane streets. (Dammit, won't that dog just shut the fuck up?!) Especially when you're at a red light. Idiot.

Anyway, I'm a paranoid driver. If a car is behind me for more than a block, I start getting paranoid, and I speed up. (Hell, is that even a dog? Sounds more like some kind of radio signal to me now. o_O Maybe I'm hearning things... again.) Ever heard that song, "Bad Habit" by the Offspring? That's my fuckin' driving song right there, dawg. I wish I had a gun. It's a good thing I don't.

Dud says I'm too paranoid, that I get road rage easily. I am paranoid, seriously. Then there's this goddamn insomnia that just won't let me sleep! Well duh, it is insomnia. I make up stupid excuses as to why I can't get to sleep at night. I'm on a nocturnal schedule, I'm too pumped full of adrenalin and testosterone from work to sleep. I just ate dinner. Whatever, man. But the truth is, I think just too damn much. Tonight, it was aliens. Yes, fuckin' UFO's and shit. I had to get up and close all the fuckin' shutters in my room because I could just picture those fuckers just staring in at me from the dark outside my windows. And it's too fuckin' hot to close the door to my closet. So I get up and turn on all the lights. The harp music ain't loud enough to block the thoughts from my head, so I put on some punk rock music. And what's the first shit I listen to? Blink182, "Aliens Exist". I'm such a fuckin' moron. I swear, I love torturing myself, apparantly. It took me more than ten minutes just to stop shaking and get out of bed in the first place. I was scared stiff, seriously. I didn't wanna move. And when I did move, I shook. I'm still a bit shaky. I always think those aliens are out there somewhere, waiting for me. To probe me and shit. Or even worse, just to stare at me. God, I would die!

I've always been creeped out by aliens. I'm not exactly afraid, I'm just terrified of them, y'know? I confuse them with angels sometimes, and that just creeps me out more. End of the world and shit. �Hablenle a Mausan! (Sorry, inside mexican joke here.)

Anyhow, I think mom made my paranoia worse. It all happened when Rocksee came over to stay, and she and mom were in the dining room, and I was at work. This was almost a year ago, back when I worked at Penncro Associates. (Bleagh!) Well, mom was in the dining room, explaining the house rules to Rocksee, when they see a light. No, not the kind you see at the end of the tunnel, or heavenly light from above. Well, I wasn't there, so I wouldn't know, actually. Anyhow, it was near sunset, but there was still light outside. As mom puts it, she thought it was the light caused by the reflection of light off a mirror, it was a tiny blot of light on the window, shining in from outside. Mom thought someone was holding a flashlight up to the window and shining it around as a prank. Rocksee, being the paranoid pussy that she is, like me (but she don't got multiplicity, she's just got manic depression -- yeah, all my friends are freaks like me), got scared shitless and froze. Mom went to investigate. She threw open the blinds (they were closed) and -- you ready for this?

ZILCH! There was nothing there! Nothing. Not a one. She even went outside and found nothing. And there was nothing inside that was causing that reflection either. So they sit back down, Rocksee's all shaken up.

About two minutes after 'Ama sits back down at the table, there it is again! Rocksee and mom describe it as a wiggling light, that it looked like someone was using the light as a pen to write something on the window. That continued for over half an hour before it stopped completely. We never discovered what it was. Rocksee eventually moved out, and she still doesn't like to stay long when she visits, at least not in the dining room. She's always looking over her shoulder at my place.

And so am I. I look over my shoulder anywhere. Tonight, it was those damn aliens. And it's happened before, where I'm positive they're right out there, and they're watching me, just watching, and waiting, and waiting and watching. Maybe that's why I collect martial and midieval weapons and I sleep with a hunting knife dangling from my bedside by my pillow. Because I'm waiting for them too, waiting for them to stop waiting and make a move. They're out there, I know they are. That's why I had to get up and close all my shutters. It's almost six o'clock. I can't wait for the daylight.

Anyhow, that's why my sister says I should go see a psychiatrist, because she thinks I'm mildly schizophrenic. After all, she says it's only one small step from being many people (or thinking I am many people, as she puts it) and hearing voices and thinking all these secret organizations are out to kill you. And I have a cousin who's autistic and borderline schizophrenic. Runs in the family, apparantly.

Well, my mouth is plenty dry now, and my chihuahua hasn't barked a warning, so I'm assuming everything is safe for now. It is now exactly six AM and I have a date with the nice sunny-sun-sun in a few. *yawn* Time to turn in for the night... er, dawn. Whatever, I had to vent. Don't judge me, you know you're as cazy as I am. (Don't you wish I had a webcam. For what? So you could stare at me too?!)

Anyway, I'm out.