A tiny white ball of the softest fluff greeted my workboot-encased foot when I entered the hallway. It curled up against me and sniffed my pant leg, then followed me here to my room. I picked it up and cuddled it against my face, where it observed me with drowsy red eyes. I have no idea if this thing is male of female, but it is the cutest baby bunny I have ever met.

Its name is Shai, and its sibling, FatCheeks, dozes in the hallway still.

Shai-Shai and Cheeky were a surprise present from my mother, for me and my sister's kids, now kid, of course. One rabbit for me, one for Angel. I hold Shai close to me now, and I feel my throat tighten. I wanna cry, because all I can think about is how soft that little baby's hair would have been. As soft as the fur on Shai-Shai's ears.

I WANT MY NIECE! Or nephew! Or whatever that fetus was gonna be! And all I have is a pair of lousy white baby rabbits who eat too much and smell strongly of urine and dog food. Who cuddle me and lick my face (who even knew rabbits had tongues?!) and smell the hem of my pant legs and just remind me so much of that dead baby who's made a guilty tomb of my sister's womb, drifting silent and cold in the amniotic fluid...

No one can understand the pain that courses through me now. No one. Not even my own sister, because its a different kind of pain. I know my suffering will never match hers in intensity (she is the mother, after all), but I was just so looking forward to this baby... Even more so than I was with Angel, I believe. And it's because of what I mentioned before. Everyone just seemed to love and like Angel so damn much...! Quite frankly, it was getting annoying. Sure, I love the kid to death as well, but I felt in my heart that this baby wasn't getting as much attention, so I silently made a promise to myself to spoil the living daylights out of him, or her. I think it was going to be a her. I wanted it to be. I still want her to be.

I want her to be! And it's never going to happen, not ever again, not if Dud has ninety more children, not ever, ever, ever again. And I haven't told anyone, not a soul, about how I feel. Haven't mentioned how badly I wanted my sister to have this baby. And I... I can't breathe anymore, my throat is so tight. So kiss the bunny, kick it out of the room, turn out the lights, and enough of this shit.