The walls collapse
20 August 2018 - 02:22Every day, living here is a struggle. I am constantly battling against the house, against my surroundings, and I feel that I'm failing. Hoarding is a horrible, horrible thing. It depresses you, suffocates. I can't get the smell of vinegar out of my nostrils. Rats scurry all over the place, squeaking, gnawing, destroying. They're like a slow house fire, devouring the things I hold most dear, adding to my despair.
I get suicidal at times like these, angry. A high-pitched screaming begins at the back of my mind, catches in my throat. I get dizzy. I want to just... set the house on fire. Grab armfuls of everything and dump it outside, light it up. Burn, burn, watch my world burn.
Thing is, I never go through with it. I begin to toss shit out, but never clear more than a square foot of floor space every other weekend. Then, I fill it back up over the week. And I'm back to drowning.
Somebody help me...