And it's not so much the long hours I despise; I'm used to that. It's the fact I have nothing to do. For a workaholic like me, that's torture. It leaves too much time on my hands without anything to distract me from the whirlwind in my head. I hate having too much time to think. It's almost as bad as having too much shit to think about keeping me up at night. Paranoid delusions, is all this is.

Nacho was here today, as was Aaron (again). Juan was telling me about his many drunken escapades. He's always telling me he wants me to join him and the guys when they go out drinking, but I never go. I think we both know by now, I will never go. As much as I brag about my capacity to hold my liquor, I don't indulge in much drinking to really test the theory. The times I've drunk, I've done so responsibly. I never get "fucked up." The only reason people who've seen me drink say I have a high tolerance to alcohol is because apparantly the amount I drink and stay sober with already has other people plastered on the floor, and puking and whatnot. So I suppose. But I don't really like drinking. I love the taste of liquor, but the thought of sitting around in some dingy, dim, smoky bar with sagging, aging whores slinking around doesn't appeal to me. And seeing my father die (literally) of cirrhosis kinda dampened my lust for alcohol, too. There are nights where I relive his last few minutes, the blood flowing up and out of his mouth in bright red gushes under the florescent lights, and me cupping my hands under his cheek and chin, trying to keep it from spilling over onto his neck and shoulders and hair and failing. His skin rapidly cooling and getting the texture of wax. I can't get that feeling out from under my fingertips some days. Just now, thinking about it, I can feel his dying skin all over again. I want to scream!

Sorry. But I make my point, I don't take social drinking lightly. I can't imagine making my family go through that type of pain all over again. Not to my mother, not my sister, definately not her kids. And without really ever saying anything, I think Nacho knows this. Why he keeps inviting me over for his night out with the boys from work then, is beyond me. But he tells me of their drunken adventures, and I listen politely. It saddens me that my coworkers feel they have no other escape from their trivial lives than to drink. They should instead make their lives have value; do something for themselves. But I digress. See what I mean by saying I have too much time on my hands? This happens to me all the fuckin' time. I wasn't even gonna write about this shit. It's just that there's so much crap swirling around in my head all the frickin' time that by the time I know it, I'm onto something completely different. What I was gonna say was that he mentioned how he went out with David Ramirez and his girl and how they had one of those drunken arguments about government conspiracies. Ever since I introduced Nacho to the Zeitgeist movies and Loose Change, he's been obsessing about this shit and of course he never stopps yakking about it when he's drunk. So he and Dave disagree to some respect about the extent of government corruption here in the United States. Then he mentiones that of course David's gonna be on the government's side, since he's already "one of them." He went on to tell me that Dave's joined up with the Border Patrol, and will probably be leaving UPS in January.

That's what's got me kinda bummed since he told me. Dave and I get along great, and I know once he joins he'll be leaving the Valley, probably for good. I'll probably never hear from the guy again, for as long as I live. That's a bummer. Dave's a fun guy, and I enjoy his company, even if he is a little cookey. I think I'm fond of him in the way I'm fond of Aaron because he was hired less than two weeks after I was. I've worked with the guy on several occasions, and I will miss him. Truth be told, that's not what worries me most. Because, yeah, I'm worried. I read some article a few months back about the growth of the Border Patrol these past months, and the reasons behind it. "Papers, please." Don't people realize that this is an echo of the Gestapo police in Germany during WWII? The US government is pushing its citizens to obtain all these different kinds of identification papers to keep a closer eye on us. And from the point of view of someone living right along the border, I can vouche for the fact that's it's affecting us in this region in a frightening way. There are now road-blocks, checkpoints, if you will, along up to 100 miles from the border of the United States and Mexico. Seriously. For Texas, that means way past Falfurias. It might even be right up to the outskirts of San Antonio! And they stop cars driving along the interstate and make us show our driver's license and birth certificate. In the future, it's already been stated that they will require people to show their passports at these things! To travel within the state! And definately to cross the border to another state! Am I the only one that finds no sense in this? Passports were supposed to be only for traveling outside the country. I mean, I'm even one of those that understand the need for them for crossing over into Mexico even by ground instead of only over airways or sea. See, I'm reasonable like that. Mexico's another country. And if clearing the border will be easier and safer with a damn passport, welcome aboard then. But to go to another state? That's ridiculous! And then maybe even to travel within your own state? Come on! Just traveling to El Paso from the Valley, my mom and I counted at least five Border Patrol stations where we had to stop. Just a little more than a year ago, there were only two: one on the way over there, and one on the way back. They're everywhere, man, and for citizens to be pulled over and detained until we show "proper paperwork" is a violation of our rights and our privacy. It frightens me that I have so many of my coworkers going into this field of work. David makes four out of just one warehouse. And actually, that's just my sort. I don't know if anyone from the Preload or the drivers are going into this as well. But they're advertising job openings for the Border Patrol on the radio like crazy.